Threat Letters and Room Signs

I apologize if I've already scared you with the title, but I feel compelled to publish these two letters my oldest daughter Kyla wrote as evidence in the event we never see our shared morning hairbrush again or someone gets charged a fee or, worse, banished for entering Kyla's room.

In light of a recent hairbrush threat note and an even more ominous room sign, I feel at this moment it is appropriate to report this information to a trusted source--i.e. my three followers of this blog.

The first letter I found upstairs last week with Kyla's hairbrush. I'd like to add that until last weekend, the entire household (not counting Kevin & Levi who make a habit of not brushing)shared two hairbrushes each morning--one that I purchased for Kyla, and one for Raleigh. We use whichever it is we can find during the morning rush--which is ok with Kyla if she cannot find hers and Raleigh's is available, and not okay under the opposite circumstances. Which is how it happened that I received this letter one morning when I ran upstairs to grab Kyla's hairbrush. It said, in red crayon:

This better be back here by tomorrow without me having to get it.
(if not, I'm hiding it somewhere 2morrow).

(I went out the next day and bought a replacement hairbrush to use, which is also now in the morning circulation as a possible option when the other two are missing).

The room sign, which we discovered taped to Kyla's door this morning, is even worse. It said:

Kyla's room terms + agreements (with pretty smiley faces and star decorations)

All things in this room automatically become property of Kyla. All people who enter Kyla's room must clean up every mess they make and pay for anything they break or damage. When you are in this room, you must do everything that Kyla Drozt says. Minimum fee for distracting, abusing, or annoying Kyla is one dollar a minute. If you fail to follow this rule, Kyla will have you banished. Under the roof of this room, you must agree to say nothing profane or against the rule of Kyla. What Kyla says, goes. Izzy and Sophie and Raleigh must learn to knock before entering. Alex and Madie Douglas are allowed in any time. Maddi Karcher is not allowed in either unless you do the secret knock and I say you can. Plus, you must follow all rules. NO THROWING BOXES OF CEREAL (yes, that means you, Raleigh). You must not address me in any other name besides Kyla unless I give you permission. If you steal anything you must return it, with included a tax fee of ten dollars and up. Thank you.

Underneath this letter, she has written the words, "Sign here." And, to our surprise, below that are our actual signatures--which Kyla has cut out from various pieces of paper she has asked us to sign at one point or another.

Now, call me crazy, but these are not rules I, nor any of Kyla's sisters...can obey. The cereal incident she references happened during one of our regular slumber parties with Kyla's best friends Alex and Madie, and Raleigh and one of her BFF's, Maddi Karcher. Alex and Maddi Karcher are sisters. When they come over, they play a lot of games that involve stealing objects from each other's room and throwing cereal and the like. This cannot be helped. It's sisters against sisters, with Kyla having an extra player on her team. And if she thinks I'm going to shell out $1 bills to her sisters to pay her toll every time she's annoyed, distracted, or abused...well, to use a popular phrase, "She has another thing coming!"

To be fair, there is strong basis for the rules she has set forth. Since Kyla and Raleigh go to their dad's house some nights, Kyla often comes home to find that her main partner in crime, Sophie, has destroyed her room. Sometimes stuff is missing. I don't really know much about the profanity clause (I think she added that in for good measure).

Finally, with regard to the intruders in her room...that is just a fact of life that happens when you have sisters. It's everyone's sisters' and brothers' duty to annoy, abuse (we're talking cat fights) and distract one another. I think that's written in some kind of brother/sister creed somewhere. Or maybe it's just an unwritten rule.
But somehow Kyla has been led to believe that she can control these extenuating factors.

I doubt anyone will begin following her rules. After all, even if we took her bossiness seriously, we are a house full of rule breakers who have been around long enough to know that most threats are empty anyway. Especially ones issued from 12 year-olds with ever-changing moods.