Thursday, February 11, 2010

Double Trouble


My twin girls, Izzy and Sophie, are as different as night and day. Izzy (left) is the happy-go-lucky, bubbly, outgoing girl who happens to have a bit of a temper primarily when technology is yanked out of her little hands. Sophie (right), on the other hand, is completely unpredictable in her actions (and anger) but is overall a much more mellow, introspective child who enjoys employing clever humor and getting everyone's goat. (That includes making up stories and stubbornly presenting them to everyone as truth, including Izzy who gets particularly upset as she vehemently argues against such fictions).
Izzy (short for Isabella Grace)and Sophie (short for Abigail Sophia)are fraternal twins, which means they also look as different as they act. Izzy has fair skin, freckles and bright green eyes. She's also the only lefty of the bunch (though she may well be ambidextrous). Soph, by comparison, has an olive complexion, the giant brown eyes of an old soul and the most hilarious expressions to complement her outrageous sense of humor. She is my "wild child," without doubt.
The two are as close as any set of non-twin sisters, in that they fight like cats and dogs. They are fiercely competitive and always trying to outdo one another. I ask them repeatedly to "be good twins," which means I expect them to look out for each other and play together without conflict. Sometimes, this works rather nicely; more often, one of them runs down the stairs whining after just a few minutes of play, reporting the wrongdoings of her twin and advising me how to punish said twin. The twin in question is usually never far behind with a different take on the altercation and an alternate plan for punishment.
When Izzy and Sophie were tiny, they really didn't seem to notice one another during the day. But an inadvertant bond was present nonetheless. They slept in the same crib, and I laid them to bed on opposite ends, but I'd always find them curled together like yin and yang in the mornings.
Izzy quickly showed herself to be the one in charge. While still crib-age, I'd lay the twins side-by-side and give them their bottles of milk in efforts to fill their bellies and put them down for naps. Izzy would drink hers with quick, steady gulps, while Sophie liked to take her time. Izzy figured out fast that there was another baby with another bottle right beside her. She would give Sophie a piercing glance (we used to refer to this as "shooting prisms") and, without looking, toss her bottle off to the opposite side, roll sideways and--with both arms--grab Sophie's bottle. Sophie would wail hysterically while Izzy nonchalantly rolled back and began gulping Sophie's bottle as if it were her own. They did this, without fail, so many times a day that I decided I would pitch this routine to the "Got Milk?" campaign. I actually made it as far as the head of the campaign when I was told they had abandoned their trademark lifestyle ads for more "celebrity-focused" campaigns. I still think the "Got Milk?" campaign was seriously missing the boat on this!
For a while, after the milk incidents subsided and they reached the terrible two's and three's, Izzy and Sophie were "good twins." They kept each other entertained and found their way into all kinds of trouble. They hid inside the kitchen cabinets together. They drank from a bottle of Benadryl together and got rushed to the hospital together (disclaimer: The bottle was nearly empty and they probably didn't drink too much, but just to be on the safe side, we had to go anyway) where they drank charcoal "shakes" together to offset any negative effects. And, one time, they dressed in swimsuits and filled a large ice tub with various colors and flavors of Kool-Aid coolers because they wanted to go "swimming." When I discovered them, I had to make them stop (it was getting very sticky and messy) but it was so funny--and creative---that I couldn't get too mad at them about it.
Though temporarily equals, Izzy re-established herself as the dominant twin through the preschool years. Sophie clung to Izzy like glue and used her as a "buffer" between herself and their newfound friends. At this point, Izzy could do without Sophie; Sophie could not do without Izzy.
To keep Sophie's anxiety to a minimum, I asked that the twins be kept together in elementary school (parents always have the option to split them if desired). Now 7 years old and in first grade, they are both at the head of their class and in the advanced reading group together. Izzy, however, still the more outspoken of the two inside the classroom, bonded better with their teacher, thus landing her in the gifted and talented program for art and creativity. When Sophie found out, she was devastated and didn't understand how Izzy got picked over her. Truth be told, this is more Sophie's niche...but somehow the teacher has not recognized as many of Sophie's efforts in the art department. (Izzy was probably more the standout as she drew pictures of herself with Mrs. Baker and gave them to her as gifts every week). So, in the interest of easing competition, I have been thinking about separating Izzy and Sophie for the coming school year so they could each shine individually. (My thoughts are to remove Izzy from the class since she makes new friends easily, leaving Sophie with the kids she knows the best so she can stay inside her comfort zone).
Incidentally, in spite of Izzy's years of reigning as the dominant twin, something interesting has happened over the past few months: Sophie has begun to assert herself, to the point of constantly pulling the "I'm older than you" card to coax Izzy into doing as she wishes. She barks orders at Izzy non-stop, and Izzy actually listens 90 percent of the time! Sophie is exactly two minutes older than Izzy, which makes this whole routine even more absurd.
A few days ago, Sophie broke my heart when she returned home from school fighting with Izzy. I told them they needed to end the agression and "be good twins," but Sophie insisted that she would no longer stand for being twins with Izzy.
Too bad for Soph she has no say in this factor!
I'm glad that Sophie has finally found some of the confidence she has been lacking in social situations. However, I am still holding out for the day that Izzy and Sophie learn how to "be good twins" and express the love they have for one another even as they make their own disparate ways in this world.

2 comments:

Emily said...

I love how carefully you make your decisions regarding these girls, as evidenced by keeeping them together in school up to now and then changing course because they have changed. Izzy and Sophie are so lucky to have such a thoughtful mommy. They sound like such empowered and special little girls.

Love this post.

Amy and Melissa said...

Thanks, Emily! It's very hard to keep up with the emotional needs of five, and to make sure each is getting nourished in the way that is best for them. I am constantly trying to do better by each of them. Somehow I doubt that will ever stop, even as they age.